“All I want is honesty! Is that so much to ask?!”
Sarah’s voice cracked like thunder through the therapy room—even though we were separated by a laptop screen. Her eyes were wide, her jaw clenched, and her energy surged as if she might burst right through the monitor.
It was the first time we met. I’d only asked a usual opening question: “Tell me what brings you here today?”
“Please tell me more about that,” I replied gently.
Sarah had just come out of a two-year relationship with a man who she now believed had never really told her the truth. But as she unravelled her story, it wasn’t about cheating or secret double lives. It was micro-lies. Small betrayals. Promises to change. Apologies with no action.
“It made me feel like I was going mad,” she said. “Like I couldn’t even trust my gut.”
What stood out wasn’t just the heartbreak—it was how Sarah had overridden her instincts, again and again, for the sake of peace, or fear of being “too much.”
“I was practically begging him to respect me,” she whispered. “I didn’t even notice when I stopped respecting myself.”
“It wasn’t just him…”
And then came the shift. A silence. Then:
“It wasn’t just him lying to me. I was lying to myself. Every time I said, ‘it’s fine’, it wasn’t. Every time I said, ‘I understand’, I didn’t.”
That’s when Sarah’s healing began.
Wanting honesty from others often mirrors a deeper need: to be honest with ourselves. To stop explaining away red flags, minimising our pain, or pretending we’re okay when we’re breaking.
Before Sarah could trust anyone again, she had to trust herself. Her intuition. Her voice. Her worth. And that trust wasn’t built with grand gestures. It came from small daily promises kept.
Tips for women post-breakup:
✔ Recognise emotional triggers
That flood of rage? The tears at a song lyric? They’re not weakness—they’re signals. Listen. They point to wounds that need care.
✔ Build your inner dialogue
Speak to yourself the way you wish he had spoken to you. Kind. Clear. Respectful. “I see you. I hear you. I’ve got you.”
✔ Rewrite old scripts
If you’ve always played the peacemaker, the over-giver, the fixer—pause. Ask: What do I need today that I’ve been denying myself?
✔ Create safety within yourself
You don’t need someone else to “make you feel safe.” Start with self-consistency. Showing up for yourself, even in small ways, creates powerful inner security.
Here’s your reminder today:
If you keep accepting less than the truth, you may start believing you deserve less than love.
What does “honesty” mean to you in relationships?
Sarah’s story is one of thousands—but maybe it reminded you of your own. If you’ve ever silenced your gut to keep someone else comfortable, know this: you’re allowed to take up space. You’re allowed to want more. And your healing? It starts with honesty—especially with yourself.
To all the Sarahs reading this:
✔ You are not difficult for having standards.
✔ You are not dramatic for wanting emotional safety.
✔ You are not broken. You are waking up!
FAQs
- Do I need therapy or just self-help?
Both can help. But if you’re stuck in repeating patterns, therapy offers personalised guidance and support to finally move forward. - Why do I focus only on women?
Because women face unique emotional patterns post-relationship, especially around people-pleasing, self-worth, and emotional labour, and I can relate to that with my own experience. - Is CBT-hypnotherapy effective for heartbreak?
Yes! It helps untangle unhelpful beliefs while soothing the emotional system at a subconscious level.
By Olesia Chayko
Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapist & Post-Relationship Healing Specialist