What does “home” feel like in a relationship?

For some, it’s comfort. Stability. Being seen and safe in your skin.
For others, it’s… chaos. But familiar chaos. A pattern they can’t name, yet repeat.
They say, “Even when it hurts, it still feels like home.”

And that’s where things get complicated.

When home is where the hurt is

Let’s be honest — for many of us, “home” wasn’t always safe growing up. It may have been where love came with conditions, moods changed like weather, or silence spoke louder than support. And even as adults, we carry that definition of home into our relationships — not because it’s right, but because it’s known.

In therapy, one of my clients said:

“I thought love was supposed to hurt a little. I didn’t realise I was just repeating what I grew up with.”

That’s the powerful illusion of familiarity: it tricks us into calling dysfunction “normal.”

Why the wrong relationships feel so right (at first)

Here’s what often happens:

• You meet someone who feels magnetic. They “get” you quickly. You skip steps.

• Tension becomes the glue. You confuse unpredictability with passion.

• You end up performing for approval — walking on eggshells to keep the peace.

• You feel responsible for their emotions, but disconnected from your own.

Sound familiar?

This is your brain replaying old patterns, hoping this time it ends differently. But healing doesn’t happen through repetition — it happens through recognition.

What therapy reveals about your version of “home”

Using Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), we begin to uncover the deep-rooted beliefs that shape your idea of safety and love.
You might realise you’ve internalized ideas like:

• “If I’m not needed, I’ll be abandoned.”

• “Love must be earned.”

• “If they’re not jealous, they don’t care.”

And with hypnotherapy, we gently access the subconscious mind where these beliefs live. We don’t overwrite your past — we rewire the meanings attached to it.
Because healing is not forgetting — it’s remembering with compassion.

How your definition of home begins to shift

Here’s what “home” starts to feel like when you’ve done the work:

• You speak up without the fear of being punished with silence.

• You’re no longer drawn to volatility disguised as chemistry.

• You don’t beg for breadcrumbs — you expect emotional nourishment.

• Peace becomes something you trust — not fear.

One client recently told me:

“At first, the calm felt foreign. But then I realised: maybe I’ve just never been safe enough to feel peace.”

Final thoughts: You get to redefine home

You are not broken for mistaking pain for love. You adapted. You survived.
But now, you have the power to choose differently.

Healing is the act of choosing yourself — again and again — until your nervous system knows it’s safe to stop scanning for danger and start trusting connection.

And maybe, just maybe, “home” is no longer a place you lose yourself to — but one you return to within.

By Olesia Chayko

Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapist & Post-Relationship Healing Specialist